$300 of salmon

Huangshi is built around Cihu Lake, a beautiful, if a bit polluted body of water where we found ourselves eating breakfast/lunch on day two. The restaurant of choice that morning was a Sichuanese place that, like Milton Park from the night before, was owned by Bobby's dad. It was a beautiful establishment, but I'd be lying if I said that's what draws people to it. Nope, that credit goes to the three story duck that was moored behind it.

The story goes that Bobby's dad, Michael, was traveling in Singapore for business when he saw this thing floating in a bay. He liked it, so he bought it. If you've read my last post then you are noticing a trend right about now. I ate lunch while staring at the reflection of the duck in the glass walls of the restaurant. It was...eery. This sensation that was only enhanced by the two seven-foot-tall "ducklings"that flanked it.

When lunch concluded we caught a ride to the other side of the lake and rented bikes to ride around. The quality of said bikes was questionable at best. I spurned the glamorous side-by-side and tandem rides in favor of more reliable transportation, or so I hoped. My particular steed was a regular mountain bike of unknown vintage and Chinese make that proved to be anything but reliable. Within the first 50 ft I realized that the chain slipped in every gear, so if I ever stood up to pedal I would find myself lurching forward, threatening to flip over the handle bars. That's the curse of these powerful Robertson legs.

We eventually made it back to the restaurant where we gathered to take this photo. Note the presence of the legendary TonyNickDanny on the far left. 

My bike continued to deteriorate on the ride back. In addition to the aforementioned gear slippage, I also noticed a distinct lack of brakes. Then the pedal fell off. So I put it back on. Then it fell off 10 ft later. So I put it back on again, Then it fell off again. So I gave up and just held it in my hand for the next mile or so. On the plus side, I spotted a bunch of huge fish on the way back. Well, a bunch of huge, dead fish to be exact. Despite my transportation doing it's best to kill me, it was a fantastic time. Once we dropped off the bikes (I managed to make the pedal stay on long enough to convince the rental people that everything was good to go), we walked a few hundred meters to paddle boat rental place and got ourselves a few floating death traps.

While the bikes were dangerous due to shotty construction, the boats were risky due to more environmental factors, namely, Chinese people and spiders. There is a certain fact that you must accept as a foreigner in a small city like Huangshi; you are a minor celebrity. This is especially true for my very blonde Polish and Finnish friends. We never got very far before another boat crashed into us because they so fixated by the sight of our pale white faces. I should mention that I have absolutely no problem with this type of behavior. The reality is that many Chinese people don't see foreigners very often. Were I put in a similar situation I would act the same way. In fact, people that know me won't be surprised to learn that I rather enjoy all the attention. Want me to give you a thumbs up and smile for your photo? Why, yes, I'll be happy to. Want me to put my arm around you and pretend we are best friends? I would love to. I might even sneak a kiss on the cheek, just to make your day. If the options are: 

1) Get mad and let it ruin my trip

or

2) Embrace my new found celebrity and make some Chinese person very happy

I will pick number 2 every time.

The Chinese paparazzi, however, were more of a nuisance than a danger. No, the real hazard was the spiders. They seemed to appear out of nowhere every 5 minutes or so; falling from the ceiling, crawling out from beneath us or just manifesting like eight-legged wizards. We never knew where they would strike next, or whether a single bite would melt off a limb with a debilitating neurotoxin.

Luckily, we made it back to shore without losing anybody (the only other spot of trouble was an old man in a power boat that was acting as a lifeguard. He seemed convinced that were hoodlums of the highest order, never missing a chance to zoom over and scream at us through his bull horn). We staggered back to our hotel, completely exhausted from the day, but our night was far from over.

We still had to have dinner with a billionaire.

You see, Michael is good friends with a gentleman whose name I won't use, mostly because I hope to make him a future employer. This man happens to be the richest person in Hubei province, making him one of the wealthier people in all of China. And we were to join him for dinner that night. Sufficed to say, I was thrilled.

The location for this dinner/surreal dream appeared to an office building, until we walked up three flights of stares and navigated a maze of hallways, eventually opening up into a private dining room.

We were greeted by the spread you see above. Starting with a very expensive sea cucumber in pale broth (a vile creature that tastes like nothing, but has the consistency of a chewy booger),  we moved on to eat a meal fit for, well, a billionaire. In the photo above you can see a delicious giant lobster, along with mouthwatering sashimi. These two things alone cost more than my entire monthly budget. I swear I probably ate $300 worth of salmon that night. Looking to the left you can see the winter melon (the thing that looks like a giant sea anemone) and enough abalone to bankrupt me several times. Not pictured, because I thought it was a little gauche to snap photos during dinner, are imported Spanish ham (amazing), duck tongue (gross) and a very rare type of mushroom that was referred to as "lamb bone" mushroom. If you are wondering what they looked like, my friend Ned described it best when he called them "puppy scrotums." I wish that weren't accurate, but it is. All told, it took them two days to prepare this dinner. Two. Days.

The entire meal was completely surreal. I must have turned to my friend and asked him, "This whole thing is insane, right?" about 10 times. It was still insane every time. 

After hand shakes were exchanged, we stumbled away in a daze of disbelief. To celebrate our brush with the ultra wealthy, we played the most blue collar sport on the planet, pool. I quickly realized that I am terrible pool player, but found better use of my time in the arcade next door. There, I did America proud by defeating all those who dared to challenge me in a racing game that I had never played. I would be lying if I said I wasn't amazing at it. This is the only kind of drunk driving I would advocate. 

A lovely end to an outrageous and lovely night.